The Rescue

A great and mighty noble knight
On errantry did ride,
Mounted on his trusty steed,
His good sword by his side.
When to his hero’s ears did reach
A desperate cry for aid
That echoed through the countryside,
O’er hill and fount and glade.
And so the good knight turned his horse
To follow that plaintive cry,
Which led him o’er a blasted heath,
To a tower, by and by.
Of blackened stone, this tower was built,
With battlements barren and bare.
And from its top heart-rending shrieks
Disturbed the evening air.
So without hesitation
Our noble knight did act;
Dismounted his horse and drew his blade,
And bravely he attacked.
He forced the gate of that tower grim,
And up the steps he ran,
Determined any terror to face,
With his war blade in his hand.
And there, at the peak of the tower,
He beheld a tableau surreal.
In a room filled with eldritch fire and smoke,
Giving all a hellish appeal,
He saw a lady of noble mien,
Dressed in ribbons and lace,
A gown of the finest linen,
With ruffles that framed her face.
And there, across the tower,
An image the knight found queer,
Was a scaly slimy dragon
Quivering with fear.
Still, the knight raised his battle sword,
The slinking worm to slay.
But the dragon spoke, so he paused to hear
What the loathsome creature would say.
“O noble knight,” the dragon said,
“You misunderstand what you see.
Yon princess is one evil bitch,
And the cry of help came from me!”
Although, tis true I captured her,
And sought of her a meal,
I never thought that I'd be on
The raw end of the deal.
By the time I'd flown her back to here,
I was ready to cough up a lung.
I learned why she was a virgin still,
There's none can endure her tongue!
Screaming, I can deal with.
Crying, I take in stride.
But her whining and complaining
Made me long for suicide!
So strike me down, Sir Knight, if you must.
Strike me, and end my life.
Claim your royal princess,
And take her for your wife.
May my treasure bring you comfort,
And help you to maintain
Your pride when you discover that
You've married a royal pain."
The dragon ceased,and hung his head,
The picture of despair.
And the knight stood, hesitating,
In the center of the lair.
"I'm waiting," said the princess.
"Kill the beast, and we'll celebrate.
Mother and I can't wait to move in
To your castle, and re-decorate."
Then, with new determination,
The hero gripped his sword,
Struck with firm precision
And claimed the dragon's hoard.
Now, the knight still rides on errantry
Over the country wide.
On the scaly back of a flying steed,
Our hero is sen to ride.
And as for th royal damsel?
Well, all that I can say
Is after he tied and gagged her
She made a lovely flambe'.